Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Self Doubt is a bitch.

So as my last post stated, I'm training a "newbie" at my work.

It has been longer than a week now, obviously, and things are both good and bad.

The worst part about this journey is all the self doubt I have. I think it is finally coming to a head because I just started crying out of nowhere as my sister was driving me home.

I know for a fact that I am good at my job. Well, the one I am training someone to takeover. I can do that job on auto pilot. However, as most of you know, I suck at dealing with change.
I have been told I am an "old soul". I'm like an old woman. Stubborn. Set in her ways.
The nice part about what I'm teaching is that the ways I am set in weren't mine to begin with. The company, having been around for a long time, has ways of doing things that just plum work. The bad part for me, is that I have no experience in teaching them.

All I have to go on is how I learned those ways. However, we all learn differently and at different paces. I've been getting some guidance from Mme.Awesome. That's right, eventhough she abandoned us (ok, not abandoned) she still offers great advice for me to follow. Which is a HUGE asset.

However, here is where the self doubt comes in. I've never trained in this field before. I don't know if I'm doing it right.
What if *I'm* failing Newbie? What if they would do better under different guidance!?!

Man oh man. Who knows!?!

It doesn't help that I've been sick on top of all this training. I'm feeling run down constantly with a healthy dose of self doubt and stress thrown in the for the kicker.

I've never wanted it to be friday so bad in my life....

Time to crawl into a hole and cover myself up with blankets.

1 comment:

Renée said...

No one can ask you to do anymore than your best. While days get complicated or sometimes it seems as if it will never get better, you must focus on whether or not You are doing the best you can. I know it can be frustrating when people aren't willing to be accountable for their mistakes, or take offense when none was meant. But you can control only your own actions. So make an effort to change your reaction to that moment. Or maybe talking to Newbie about it will help. Like I said, you can only control yourself, so be your best, so that you can lead by example. Hope this helps.

P.S. I think you are a wonderful person. We all have moments, especially when sick or run down, when I good cry, a cup of hot chocolate, and a hot shower are the only remedies. But know that I love, admire and respect you and am here to listen or offer hugs. <3 R.